ninjasmack

say what

2009-01-24T21:48:00.000-08:00

yea

Do they really eat marinated herring in Ukraine culture?

Photo

2008-11-17T18:01:00.002-08:00

Night of the Hunter

2008-11-17T18:01:00.001-08:00

That's a good movie.

24 Hour Theater

2008-03-24T04:56:00.000-07:00

Last weekend had my actorial debut in Seoul. Had less than 12 hours to memorize my lines, no minor challenge since I sort of had the lead role in the play. This would also mark my first pantless production. Though in Bent I was topless, so those few people who managed to catch both plays could have a pretty good idea of what I look like nakie. Our play was called RinseCycle Romance and keeping with the spirit of 24 hour theater our writer wrote the play between 10pm and 4:30am within the same 24 hour period. In all there were 5 plays including Monica's showstopper "Gerbil Power" I'm a little suspicious of the writer of my play seeing as how she wrote me into my boxers after she met me and spent a lot of time taking photographs of me half nude on stage. Hmmm. What's a boy to do?

Birthday Pastels

2008-03-18T01:12:00.000-07:00

Recently made birthday pastel portraits for two friends of mine. Mark Bell and Damien Holguin.

A Nara deer

2008-03-17T05:22:00.001-07:00

A Nara deer
Originally uploaded by monica_brite

Dumbass deer walked right up to me. This place has got to be a deer hunter's paradise.

Snowman

2008-03-16T05:17:00.001-07:00

Our snowman
Originally uploaded by monica_brite

I may be 290 years old now, but I'm still cool enough to make a snowman. Mon added the hair.

Japanese Gardens

2008-03-14T21:55:00.001-07:00

Our new apartment
Originally uploaded by monica_brite

Even in bustling Tokyo we were able to escape to a few of the many tranquil meticulously designed Japanese gardens that always seemed like the experience of walking through a painting. Here I am pretending it is warm sunny day as I don the T-shirt and cheery smile. What you don't see cropped out of the foreground is a heavy winter coat I am eagerly dying to get back into.

Tanooki Suit Mario Bros 3

2008-03-14T10:16:00.001-07:00

Kevin and the Tanuki
Originally uploaded by monica_brite

Mario 3 - The Tanooki suit. You had a tail and could fly, but could also turn into a statue to deflect fireballs. It was a helluva a suit. But a real Tanuki has a couple of things they don't sho you in Mario 3 and that is hugenormous testicles that actually drag on the ground. These little Tanooki statues were all over Kyoto greeting you with a bottle of whiskey, an innocent smile, and cahones bigger than your fists.

Thought deer were timid and gentle?

2008-03-13T00:53:00.001-07:00

A deer butting Kevin's butt
Originally uploaded by monica_brite

Then you've never been to Nara, Japan where these sacred creatures have been eating out of the hands of tourists for decades. If they see you have any deer crackers on you and you aren't forthcoming you may even get a little bump as this overlyfriendly creature is demonstrating.

A-mazing Japan

2008-03-12T02:39:00.001-07:00

A homeless man in Tokyo.
Originally uploaded by monica_brite

Occasionally as Mon and I tromped through the streets of Tokyo we would find ourselves a little lost. This was one such moment where at a 4 way intersection it seemed as if every road I looked down looked exactly the same - a ton of lights, a ton of Japanese people, and some buildings stretching out far far into the distance. We always eventually found our way, but it was damn cold that night and I was even considering taking a $200 taxi ride to my hotel. Of course for that price I might as well just go check into another hotel.

Copyright Infringement

2008-03-11T04:41:00.001-07:00

Twins
Originally uploaded by monica_brite

I need a patent attorney. Someone has taken my image and is using it to sell hot dogs all over Tokyo. Don't have some rights to my own face? What kind of cut should I be getting here?

Nara, Japan

2008-03-07T06:43:00.001-08:00

Kevin on his head
Originally uploaded by monica_brite

I heard when I was little that if you dug throught the Earth to Japan you'd end up upside down on the otherside of the Earth where everyone walks upside down, but I didn't believe it until I landed in Nara on me head.

Tokyo I Love thee

2008-03-05T04:57:00.000-08:00

Howdy, I took 443 photos of Tokyo and lost them all because I hit the wrong button on my camera which is hilarious because its the same way I lost my Prague and Jamaica photos. Okay, maybe its not so hilarious and I should go buy a less finicky camera but I'm cheap and thankfully Monica's got a bajillion photos of theses cities. One of my fave things to do in Tokyo was to go to the hot ection of the vending machines there and buy a coffee drink. Funny thing is, we have them all over Korea too, but I never noticed them until I was in Tokyo.

I mainly noticed them because Tommy Lee Jones face was all over the machines promoting BOSS coffee. It almost looks as if he had the real LOST in TRANSLATION moment of being told to look intensely in the camera for a Japanese product. He looks very very intense. And at first I doubted that whatever they paid Tommy Lee Jones was worth it for their company especially if Lost in Tranz 2 million figure is accurate, but after I drank my 17th, or 18th BOSS coffee I figured they got a bargain.

somewhat violent relationship

2008-01-26T19:50:00.000-08:00

Saturday January 26, 2008

Leeum Museum

A Void in Korean Art is the current special exhibit at the Leeum Museum. And no they aren't complaining about the lack of Korean art or the absent quality, but rather negative space. One of those situations where the translation makes sense, but kind of looks funny anyways. Suffice to say "Avoiding Korean Art" was low in foreigner turn out. The highlight of the attraction was a racquetball sized room whose walls and eilings were covered in grease. There were inflatable cusions that lined the floor that matched the color of the orangy yellowy grease. I lay in the room for about 20 mintes or so feeling like I was in a giant can of crisco. I couldn't resist touching the walls so that I could know for sure it was grease. Something about the Ender's Game book series reminded me of the room. 7,000 won for special exhibit. Near to Hangangjin subway stop.

On the Border

Monica, Annie, Ryan and I all headed out to On the Border last night in what we soon found out was the finest and most expensive in Mexican dining in Seoul. We were seated in a corner booth that could accomodate 12 people with a nice view of the bar which was lighted by a chandilier made out of old beer bottles in a tasteful and brilliant manner. Food arrived and plunked before us were Jalepeno poppers bigger than swollen tennis balls, Mushroom stuffed torpedo sized burritos, and Quesadillas that are as think as thick as your arm, oh and did I mention Margarita glass globes that could double as aquariums for a full grown catfish? Needless to say we ordered too much food and are still eating leftovers. The endless supply of freshly baked tortilla chips and salsa were a nice touch. If salsa aint your thing you can order a bathtub full of spicy jalepeno infused nacho cheese for a mere 6900 won.

A special Kudos to the staff. Our waiter "Huey" could be spotted sprinting back into the chip room as our bowl of chips were nearing distinction. All the waiters of which there were about 20 or so greet you with "Hola" and wish you farewell with "Beunos Dias, Muchos Gracias" The manager came buy to sprinkle us with coupons for our next visit to make us feel better about our astronomical bill. But to be fair it was just under 100,000 won for four people and we all ordered twice as much food as we needed. A bargain in NYC, but having grown accustomed to spendng 4 bucks for a low end meal and 12 bucks for a hgh end in Korea it was a bit of a yipers. Near Shincheon station, exit 4. Walk straight two minutes.

Doctor Fish

After walking out of On the Border massaging our bloated bellies we sauntered around until we found the Hongdae area just south of Shinchon. Meaning only to pop into one of the many bars that litter the congested streets full of 20-somethings and 20-wannabes, Serendipity smiled upon us when Monica spotted a color changing neon sign on the seventh floor of a building and there it was "Doctor Fish". Monica and I conspired to keep the mystery of what "Doctor Fish" is away from Annie and Ryan so that we might surprise them with it one night. They were extremely puzzled when our waitress began with, "So first, you have to clean your feet, and then you can go have them nibble your toes, and finally you clean your feet again with a little bit of oil"

At Doctor Fish you order a beer and a slice of cake and you get to dip your feet into a pool of water filled with fish that specialize in eating dead skin cells. I miagined a somewhat more relaxing experience that what happened but my compatriarts all said that I was way too sensitive and a total wimp. Not that it hurt at all, but the tickling drove me insane. I was able to leave me feet in the water the whole time though as long as I kicked off the fish every 20 seconds or so. Because of my agression toward the fish no more than 7 or 8 fish were ever chewing at my feet at the same time. However when I looked over at Monica's feet I would see a good 40 fish all taking little chomps of the top of her feet. We all experiecne a sensation of more sensitive feet after we stepped out of the water. The cake and beer were good as well and Annie and Ryan opted for tea which came in a kettle slightly smaller than my fist. Doctor Fish cafes can be found all over Seoul.

Office

2008-01-21T05:14:00.001-08:00

Photo 90
Originally uploaded by eatjuk

Why are you CCing me stuff thats got nothing to do with me?

Istanbul

2008-01-19T18:42:00.000-08:00

My fave cheap chow place in Korea is a Kebab shop called Istanbul that’s a 6 minute walk from my domicile. Its one of those places that has a hard core fan base that like showing up minutes before closing time so they can drink booze and maybe munch on some French fries as they talk to the hip and happening Aussie owner of the place, Nev.

Nev isn’t a big guy but comes across as having a large presence do to his shaved head, deep voice, and tattoo exposed muscular arms. It’s the cheapest, fastest, and best food along a strip of burgers, tacos, pizza, and Thai joints near Noksapyeong station. I can normally expect a 2-3 minute way for my Kebab as opposed to the pizza/sub shop down the street which has an average waiting time of 20 minutes.

But a word to the wise on how to ensure fast service at Istanbul, never show up before Nev. If you show up at noon there’s a chance you may be waiting a while for Nev to show up and prepare the meat rack spinners. This has happened to me twice, both times on Sunday at noon. Both times I had to wait 30 minutes, but being a leisurely Sunday I never really cared.

Today I went over to Istanbul and when I arrived, Nev was MIA and I prepared myself for the long wait as we sat next to a Korean American man and four Korean American boys who seemed to be touring Seoul together. They had no doubt already ordered their food unaware that the man who was meant to make their food had not yet arrived.

The Korean waitress kept ensuring the customers that Nev would be there in 5 minutes, and sure enough, 10 minutes after Monica and I had ordered our food Nev stepped in out of the cold looking a little weary starting the last day of his work week (Istanbul is closed Mondays).

As we waited for our food an almost stereotypically obnoxious American came in and ordered after us and proceeded to conduct business very loudly on his cell phone and by conduct business I mean talk with his friends about how he just got fired from his job for performing inadequately and he held his workplace accountable for stabbing him in the back for expecting him to grade the students and give them tests.

The whole place was nearly held hostage by this one sided phone conversation and everyone in Istanbul was quickly able to determine that this patron was first and foremost a jackass and who was secondly rightly fired. If he were living in any other country in the world he would have been fired long ago.

Although I ordered my food before this unemployed sack I was happy when Nev tossed him a to go bag out of turn and the bastard finally waddled out the door still shrieking in his phone.

At this point in time Nev served up the Korean Americans who were grateful to finally chomp down on some food. The boys were happy to be served, but the man betrayed his feelings of being malcontented with an irked sideways glance to the waitress scurrying away.

When it came time to pay the bill, the man caught a hold of Nev walking across the store and said, “What’s with the fifty minute wait?”

Nev turned with a confused look and with the most retarded expression he could conjure up declared, “Me no speaky Enrishee”

“Don’t give me that, I heard you speaking English earlier. Hangeul mal Hahseyo? I can speak both. What’s your pick?”

“Listen. Ok. This is my shop and all I care about is the quality of the food, now your not going to get better food at 5000 won a meal in all of Seoul”

“I’m not complaining about the food. I’m complaining about the wait. The food was good. I liked the food. I sat here wait-“

“Where are you from? You’re North American?’

“I’m from here. I’m from Korea.”

“Yeah. You’re North American. I’m Australian and I care about serving a high quality product. You want to complain, write out a complaint on the Internet, it’s a beautiful thing; you can speak to 6 billion people about how dissatisfied you were with the wait.”

Nev walked into the back and brought out a piece of paper and handed it to the man. Nev continued, “Here’s a food site that discusses places to eat in Korea. Reach your audience directly.”

“Yeah, thanks, and it remains an impersonal incident in a mix of other nonsensical anonymous comments. There are no real connections. Nothing gets solved. It’s griping for griping sakes. I’m talking to you right now. You have no comments about the 50 minute wait?”

“Good luck to you.”

Nev turned on his blinders and methodically walked back into the kitchen as the man paid the waitress. The man was smiling. He enjoyed there little back and forth. He was amused by Nev’s unwillingness to relent any wrongdoing, any hint of an apology. He was impressed how Nev used the conflict to express his pride in the food that was served. He didn’t know that he would get nowhere arguing with Nev before the scene unfolded, and now that it was over he was still happy for the moment.

Monica and I walked out of Istanbul laughing at the whole scene. We wondered how does Nev feel about North Americans; dealing with them all day and arriving at this conclusion that we whine and complain and want things now rather than good.

Monica then recalled a conversation we had about the Matrix earlier in the week, she said, “So the Matrix was really filmed in Australia?”

“Yep. That’s what I heard.”

“And it took them twice as long to make the movie compared to what an American studio would have pumped out, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“Good movie though.”

“Yeah, if you don’t mind the wait.”

Istanbul is a 5 minute walk from Noksapyeong station, Exit 2. It is open Tuesday through Sunday. Closes sometime around 10pmish and opens sometime around noonish.

Dark Chocolate Toberlone, Vodka Cruiser, and Orange Yarn

2008-01-09T16:20:00.000-08:00

I can knit....sort of.

Year of Tranquility

2008-01-06T18:32:00.000-08:00

Knitting party tomorrow! I'm so stoked.

AFN

2008-01-05T18:13:00.000-08:00

Does every episode of that Vegas Casino show have to be about some kidnapping in the family? Now that my tv works these are the questions I ponder. The best part of watching AFN though is all the commercials that are spose to give helpful advice to people in the military. These tips include: how do avoid terrorists when hopping in a taxi, remembering to pay your lease, and why watching AFN all day is not a great way to see Korea. Thank you Arm Forces Network.

Snow Gloves

2008-01-04T17:10:00.001-08:00

The four of us who went snowboarding each ended up buying snowboarding gloves at a total cost of 133,000 won.
This averages out to about 33,000 won a person for snowgloves. Then last night I go to a bar and four us ordered a guiness at 7,500 won a pop., for a total of 30,000 won. As a reward for ordering four guiness they bring our these snowboarding gloves that are far superior to any of the gloves we bought. Had we but known we could have come to the same bar last week and each ordered four guinesss and got some superior snow gloves and saved some money and if we wanted to we could even drink all 16 pints of guiness, though I can't recall any time in my life where I've ordered a third Guiness, so I think four would be a bit of a doozy.

Megan Kinsey

2008-01-03T19:42:00.000-08:00

What do you do when your 18 year old dancing British model genius friend gets kicked out of China and is stuck in Seoul for a week? Slumber Party! We had a blast dancing an Irish jig atop Namsan as Ecudorian flautist hammered away into their pan-pipes.

Starcraft

2008-01-03T02:32:00.000-08:00

Three guys walking to a PC Bahng to play an all out war of Terrain, Protoss, and Zerg.

Proposal

2008-01-03T02:19:00.000-08:00

This photo shows Monica and I the night I proposed to her. At this moment she thinks we are just going out to the symphony, but she's getting a little suspicious because I've been really nice to her all day and that's a little bit aways from the normal beatings she's forced to endure.

My dog and my ride

2008-01-02T19:12:00.000-08:00

Today I bought a puppy and a bike. They made such a good pair I decided to combine them into one unit.

Sweeny Todd

2008-01-01T18:29:00.000-08:00

The most magical play I ever saw was Sweeny Todd at the Rep in Stl. The show came alive to me and the main actor was beyond brilliant. I'm a Burton fan, but I can't really even imagine the film living up to the experience I had that night. After Jim Carrey, Johnny Depp is the second most commented on look-a-like celeb I get. And thanks to my ginrmous chin, Jay Leno is next in line.

Snowboarding

2008-01-01T06:55:00.000-08:00

If they open a 24 hour snowboarding mountain I would snowboard until all my money was gone and then i would rack up credit card debt until they came for me and hopefully I would die first.

Dong Shim

2007-12-05T01:23:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I think my favorite part of winter is complaining that its too damn cold.

Monica Hillermann

2007-11-05T00:44:00.001-08:00

She's the best.

#200 Stargate

2007-10-26T21:26:00.000-07:00

A space ship armed with exploding rockets patrols the surface of the Earth shooting all Martian invaders. In its stockpile of weapons lie 7 nuclear bombs that kill everything except human rockets and humans. The fabric of space and time has been ripped creating rectangular warp holes that teleport the ship to the oppisite end of the Earth which isn't very far away because the Earth has shrunk from radioactivity and now has a diameter of a few thousand meters making it possible to circumnavigate the Earth in a matter of 3.5 seconds in a space ship flying 100 miles per hour.

The humans are frozen with fear and do little when Martians ships latch onto their skulls carrying them into space to be tortured. The one surviving human spaceship can never land to collect these poor earthlings because of malfunctions in the landing gear, however, it can shoot the martian spaceships that are snatching bodies and as the humans full toward the earth the spaceship can collect the startled people by opening the hatch and allowing them to fall on the couch in the ships bridge. Once all the martian invaders have been killed off they magically regenerate and life goes on in this way endlessly or until you have lost your ship and your two remaining ships that are stowed in the trunk space of your first ship.

This is pretty much Defender 2 revamped to make the ship look different and Defender 2 was a copy of Defender which made video game history by incorporating the scrolling affect. The best part of the game is catching the humans on your couch but this aspect happens far too infrequently and your likely to get bored with the same old alien warships attacking again and a again. We've come to expect more from our video games and now we have more, but has anything really changed? The cooler a video game is the more it encourages you to watse time. And for all the benefits that zoning out and switching off incorporate is there any more toxic than video games, much less retro video games. Are is there some great pursuit involve, some art, something that gamers are reaching for? Or is it just competition for the sake of competition ever racking up the score playing king of the hill in some battle of eye hand coordination reflexes and wits?

I once thought Dr. Mario was the ultimate video game and all others that came after were merely reaching for greatness in the glory of ever increasing graphics. But maybe video game history started and ended with Defender and nothing new will ever come along that so aptly describes the video game world. You are a ship endlessly scrolling through chaos, eliminating baddies, collecting goodies, wondering when it will all end.

#201 Super Arabian

2007-10-20T17:48:00.000-07:00

Super Arabian is a game where you are a sworded Persian Prince who runs around various backgrounds collecting bags of money whilst avoiding birds. You are no doubt a good prince because every time you die a halo appears over your head instead of being smushed and sucked down into hell like Mario. I'm guessing this is some sort of future game because why else would a bird barely touching you kill you. This is just some video game programmer trying to hype up the whole avain flu crap that the scientists are labelling as the number one world health concern. I guess that's tied with AIDS, starvation, and obesity.

And how might you defend yourself against these birds? Obviously with your sword, what? No? Oh, you kick them. That's right you kick them. Cause how else are you going to kill a bird when armed with just a sword? The cool thing is that if you kick a bird its corpse becomes a deadly weapon as it goes flying across the screen like a rootbeer float delivered to George McFly in a 1950esque diner. The initial kick scores you a mere 100 points but with each vermridden bird it crashes into it adds 500 points. So you got that going for you too.

The sword is only used to triumphantly praise God in all his glory for helping you find the money. You must at that time jump towards the heavens and extend your sword to God with thanks. I'm guessing the whole antisword use is kind of like a 28 days later thing where you don't want any excess blood because if it gets into your eye you become a zombie or at least are infected with instant death bird flu.

Thus far I have only made it to level 3 which requires a lot of jumping on carpets going in opposing directions with a never ending supply of deadly birds appearing out of nowhere. On my most recent attempt I discovered that the bags of money all have different letters on them and if you manage to spell the right word by collecting the money bags in te right order you stand to gain a substantially higher sum of money. Or maybe the videogame programmer is like a huge Hitchcock fan and the birds truly do terrify him and he thought that this feeling was universal. But the not using your sword thing? That's like saving your hammer brother suit the whole damn game and not remembering to activate the suit until after Bowser has been tricked into falling into the hole he created. What the hell is that?

Drinking Milk

2007-10-18T01:40:00.001-07:00

drinking milk
Originally uploaded by eatjuk

I probably drink 3 dollars worth of milk everyday. Excessive? I think so, but old habits die hard and it complements my cereal and penaut butter crackers and my chocolate and my potato chips beautifully. Milk is my number one expense throughout the week, far more than health care. Of course when I worked as a janitor back in my teenaged days I probably spent 3 dollars a day on soda so I'd call this an improvement.

Confiscated part 2

2007-10-17T02:17:00.001-07:00

If you know your gonna be on the crapper for an hour and you have an hour left to go at work that's a good enough reason to leave work an hour early right? I mean.. Why the shit should they give a crap where you drop your dong? Check out this sweet Yu-Gi-Yo card I confiscated!

What's my name again?

2007-10-16T06:14:00.001-07:00

whitedan
Originally uploaded by eatjuk

One of my students was misbehaving in class and having not yet memorized 350 Korean names, I demanded he tell me his identity so I could properly berate him. Upon this request he replied, "Pig" much to the enjoyment of his classmates. I took this opportunity to permanently brand him with a new name. Though "Pig" didn't feel the right word to dub a slightly chubby Korean child, I went ahead and christianed him "Sum Gyup Saul" which in Korean is roughly equivalent to "Porkchops" Uproarious laughter ensued and the acute pain of remorse set in the eyes of my little Porkchop.

Confiscated

2007-10-14T04:35:00.000-07:00

The little dragon egg you see before you is one of the many many items I will be confiscating from children over the course of the next year. I'm hoping to add a few more cell phones to my collection. Last night I enjoyed a traditional Korean birthday party to celebrate the completion of one year of life on Earth. The highlights of the festivities involved the incredible spread of food which consisted mainly of meat and cookies.

There of course also were the Hanbok costumes forced upon the baby and his parents. The parents looked like two Korean dolls and the baby was adorned in an outfit becoming to a pinata. The guest of honor although having just entered his second yar on Earth had the great responsibility of holding what could only be described as a Viking sword to cut the birthday cake. They merely place the blade's handle in the baby's hand and let the weight of the sword drop through the cake and then knick the table just to be certain the slice made it all the way through.

The best part of the night was when the baby had to choose his life's destiny by picking an item from a tray full of symbolic tokens that represented future careers. This particular baby seemed to have no interest in the items which made me suspect he would become a monk. Eventally the mother stuck the pencil in his hand which meant that he would become of scholar of sorts. She cheated though, so we now the gods won't allow it. Among the other items were a microphone, a $20 bill, a piece of string, and a mouse - a live mouse scurrying among the other items. Grabbing the mice meant the child would be a vicious warrior that would lead the country into an unpopular and costly war. The mother cheated further my shooshing the mouse to the far end of the tray while the little pinata curiously peered among the treasures.

I love you Beth Cooper

2007-10-09T06:03:00.000-07:00

A quick enjoyable read and a slapstick comedy about a highschool graduation night that goes from bad to worse for the valedictorian protagonist after he confesses his love to the head cheerleader. Reminds me a little of Dave Barry's Big Trouble in that over the top writing stlye and Barry does bring his street cred to the back jacket as it turns out. A good way to turn off your brain and have a harmless chuckle at the expense of a nerd getting beaten up around town. Thanks for the read Shortcake.

Image

2007-10-05T23:36:00.001-07:00

photowar
Originally uploaded by eatjuk

Three days ago I woke up with sleepy eyes. I thought sleepy eyes were something that only the sight impaired suffered from because oddly enough ever since I got zapped I've been waking up with eagle eye precision immediaitaly. But the past couple days I've woken up with a foggy vision I always associated with not wearing glasses. But now I know that everyone gets sleepy eyes occassionaly and only time will bring them into focus.

Its got me thinking about the good old days of wearing glasses for 14 years or so and as I flip through some old photos every once in a while I'll come across one and say, jeez, the glasses make me look better. Why'd I blow 3 grand on unnecessary surgery? Then I realize I can always go out and buy some glasses just to look cool so I've got that going for me too.

#202 Taiwan Majong4

2007-10-05T22:15:00.000-07:00

Um, I don't know. I guess its Mahjong and according to Wikipedia its a four player game and popular in Asia. But mashing buttons have not led to any satisfactory experiences thus far. Maybe I'll come back to this one when I have the Chinese langauge nailed down or the Wangmaster is here to translate.

Kyobo

2007-10-01T03:45:00.001-07:00

kyobo
Originally uploaded by eatjuk

If it weren't for Starbucks I'd have to say Kyobo Book store and Dos Tacos pretty much get the highest percentage of my money in Korea. In the past week alone we've bought 3 packages of pastels, 3 canvases, Tetris DS, speakers, a sketch book, and two watches. And I've got my eye on a Playstation 2 there if I can't get my old PS2 back into action again.

Oh yeah I also bought a Coca-Cola and a banana milk there...I don't really know why they call it a book store...Oh wait, Monica bought like 6 books there, but we've only been here a month so she's just getting started.

#203 Tank Set

2007-09-29T22:37:00.000-07:00

Tank Set is a game in which you by yourself in your lone tank must fend off an attack on your base by a barrage of 20 tanks. Not only must you avoid being shot by other tanks, but you also must protect your silver eagle treasure. If you are shot or your eagle is taken you lose. Chances are good you will eventually lose, but in the meantime you can rack up points shooting down tanks and also collecting goodies out on the battlefield. Once the 20 main tanks are elminated you can jump to the next wave.

There are 14 levels to choose from each with 118 starting points and once those 118 stages are beaten the game doesn't stop, but continues into infinity making up random levels. And if that's not enough for you, you can constrcut your own level much like Wolfenstein or Excite Bike.

The goodies on the field all wear off over time, but are a nice addition to the game. You can get a rubber bottom that enables you to cross rivers much like the Zelda ladder which without you are unable to defeat the 5th castle. There's also a Super Mario 2 time stopper that enables you to go whoop up on frozen enemes for 10 seconds, there's the Super Mario invincibility token, and of course the Defender nuclear option which eliminates all enemies on the field.

You can choose to start the game with anywhere from zero-99 spare lives, but the seemeingly endless supply of lives only matter if your tank gets shot. If the baddies capture the flag, its game over regardless of your life count. It's a remarkably simple game design and yet offers a lot of fun as you shoot through brick walls and get lost in the trees and negotiate the battlefield as you protect your flag. Worthy of a cell phone game program as you are sure to spend a good 10 minutes zoning out to the game as you blow up tanks and cut off all paths to your base.

Smooth Criminal

2007-09-28T19:19:00.001-07:00

mybike
Originally uploaded by eatjuk

Monichuh got me this bike last year as an anniversary gift. I enjoyed riding it through the neighborhood until one day it was sabotaged by two youths who were familiar with all the bolts on this particular bike and loosened them and ran after me waiting for me to fall which I inevitable did.

Before I left Korea, I sold it to a co-worker of mine. Lured into the false sense of security that Korea provides, he didn't lock up the bike, and ultimately it ended up getting stolen. I still remember the key lock combination for the bike that he didn't use. The answer to the question of the universe: 042.

#204 Tennis

2007-09-28T01:09:00.000-07:00

I either don't have the patience or the ability to defeat Tennis on its easiest setting. This game looks like a game that was probably at one time actually introduced to the Nintendo under that very name. Apparently your arms don't bend in this game of tennis which means you have to postion yourself in such a way that you are one fully extended arm and racket length away from the ball if you swing at it. Otherwise the ball just clocks you on the face when you swing at it.

Although I still think Urban Champion is the worst game I've played so far at least its terrible enough that I might actually play it again whereas on the other hand Tennis is so boring if I could press a delete button on any of these games I would eliminate Tennis and be happy to know I wouldn't have to spend any more time scrolling past it.

Shortcake

2007-09-27T02:13:00.000-07:00

Have you ever heard of this shortcake blog? She's this girl and she totally has a blog that's all about her. It's like, "La da da me me me me. Loo Loo Doo me me me me. I'm so special, I have a blog." And there are all these observations on life that are like totally her own opinion and it just makes me sick to the bone about how someone can be so, "I'm special all the time because my name is shortcake." Whoopdee doo, shortcake. I'm so sick of her blog, its so nasty and gross about her feelings and thoughts. Its a total perversion of everything we hold sacred in being human.

For once I'd like to see her blog about something that's not about her or better yet the opposite of her. So maybe she could blog about everybody she doesn't know and things she doesn't know about for a change. How bout that shortcake? But she's afraid. She'll never change. I know a coward when I smell one and she smells like someone's whose so afraid of not being her that she'd probably die if she wasn't her and it would just totally blow her little mind. I'm going keep reading it though and hope it gets better, but it will probably keep sucking in which case I'll update everybody on how that's going. Stupid shortcake.

Me go dun dee road ta bun some ganja wit me fren.

2007-09-26T06:42:00.001-07:00

momweed
Originally uploaded by eatjuk

There are 43 landlocked countries in this world and I've been to two of them. The Czech Republic and Switzerland. But that said, my most vivid memories of these countries are looking over the water from Charles Bridge in Prague and riding out on the Lake Geneva in a little dingy boat smoking cigars. Geneva and Prague are also two of the most picturesque places I've ever been that were dripping with that European charm. On the contrary Jamaica and Japan are the only waterlocked countries I've been to. But I hope to be adding Laos to list one and New Zealand to list two before too terribly long.

My mom is such a stoner.

#205 Urban Champion

2007-09-25T19:53:00.001-07:00

In Urban Champion you're a no-good street youth who picks fights with other no-good street youths in front of various buildings that look suspiciously the same yet are labelled "Snack Bar", "Post Office", "Sperm Bank" and so on. You can punch someone in the face or the gut so not a lot of options here, but avoiding the angry old women in the second story window who are chucking flower pots at your head adds to the fun. You win when you back your opponent into an open sewer.

I didn't think there would be a game worse than Y-Project Mario Runner, but this game takes the cake. This gets my lowest rating so far for lack of originality and giving the player no motivation for playing whatsoever. You simply hit the punch button and wonder if you hit the button first or the other guy did. Its like Rock-em Sock-em Robots in slow motion and nowhere near as dynamic.

You're a super star!

2007-09-25T09:20:00.000-07:00

Ran into my students at the park today and ended up in a pick up game of soccer. At one point the ball went wayward and whacked a rather dignified looking 25 year old Korean smack in the face. Upon such an injustice he beckoned the three children I was playing with and ordered them to stand in a line.

These were some of my most behaved students and they did as he commanded. He went on to berate them for playing soccer on the playground as I stood off to the side wondering if I should line up to and get my browbeating with them. After it was done they all bowed to him and apologized and went on their merry way. I snuck off myself not sure what to make of the incident.

On the one hand I felt guilty for not only not stopping my students from playing soccer on the playground, but also joining in and setting a bad example. Here I am acting like a child when I am actually the very teacher that they look up to in the school. And here this guy is who is younger than me who is setting some ground rules for the playground that are sensible and meant to keep this place an enjoyful area for all and not just three rowdy soccer thugs and their retarded foreigner friend.

On the other...lighten the fuck up. You're in a public park and a ball hits you? Sheesh, just roll with it you little bitch.

#206 Warehouse Number Eighteen

2007-09-24T22:22:00.001-07:00

Warehouse No. 18 is a Russian puzzle game in which the goal of the game is to....wait for it...wait for it...move boxes in a warehouse. What impedes your progress to add to the conflict of the game might you ask? Armed men shooting from the rafters? A ticking time time bomb waiting to explode? Ninjas jumping out from the cargo? No, just narrow hallways and your inability to pull boxes or push more than one box at a time.

So it is strictly speaking a puzzle game and has a very Russian chess like feel to it All in all I would say its not a bad game though if you take it for what it is. Just a bit of a mind teaser, I have successfully gotten through the first two levels but they become much more difficult after that and you have to think out your box movements several steps in advance as to not trap yourself. If you do trap yourself you simply hit the a or b button and the level resets giving you the opportunity to move those boxes to the end of the warehouse. Kind of a step down from the last Russian game I played, but I guess they can't all be Tetris.

Happy Birthday Dan Simpson!

2007-09-24T07:09:00.000-07:00

I know what your thinking... You have two years left before you die unless you are reborn in the fiery ritual of Carousel. But what if your palm crystal has a glitch or the computer sends you out on a secret mission and you become a runner yourself. Be careful Sandman, soon the tide may turn against you and beware Box for his homosexual feelings for you may become fatally strong. Of course if this was the novel Logan's Run and not the film you'd already be 7 years dead by now. Happy B-day!

#207 Warpman

2007-09-23T19:56:00.000-07:00

In Warpman you are a green troll wearing a beige monastic cloak and carrying a key shaped staff that shoots bullets. The baddies are random blobs splotched with random colors that also shoot bullets. It kind of looks like Yoda is going apeshit at the Mos Eisley Cantina and all the freaks are firing back.

Reminiscient to Robotron 2084 in that you are confined to the screen and once all the destructible enemies are eliminated, the player progresses to the next wave, facing more enemies. There is however, one exception and that is if you find the crucifx warp item which once is picked up makes the center vortex glow and you are able to skip ahead without defeating the enemies.

There are also levels in which your key shaped staff no longer fires bullets but lays down 5 second mines that require more timing and accurate placing to defeat the enemies. The best feature of the game are the innocent letter couriers that seem to have no real hatred for Yoda, but carry the letters "e.x.t.r.a." and if all letters are collected you can receive an extra life. So basically you have to kill these non-combatants to extend your lives on the battlefield. So far this game is one I find most worthy to play on your cell phone during your morning commute to work.

The only real excercise I get...

2007-09-23T17:00:00.000-07:00

The only real excercise I get is flexing to myself in the mirror and doing a little bit of Tae Chi dances moves while I wait for the subway. Caught a Comedy Improv show last night at the Big Electric Cat in Itaewon. There was some real talent up there I must admit and not a bad show especially since there t'weren't no cover charge. In Itaewon the bartenders are known for having a much higher English fluency rate then elsewhere in Seoul, so I was surprised to find myself suffering from a typical English/Korean miscommunication. Not feeling well enough for a brewski, I asked for a Cola, but although I was surprised by the $6 price tag, I didn't object and handed over the dough. Moments later I shrugged my shoulders as I tipped back a nice cool lime topped Corona. Well at least I didn't pay 6 bucks for a Pepsi, though next time I think that's what I'll order beause I can't think of a a convenient rhyme that Pepsi could be mistaken for, unless of course I end up acquiring the rights to Joe Pesci. "No, I said, PepSEE dammit! PepSEE! Argh! Just forget it, let's go make Leathal Weapon 5."

#208 Werestle

2007-09-22T01:49:00.001-07:00

Werestle is not a Werewolf Wrestling game though that would be cool, but just another one of many typos on a list of many many crappy games. There are 8 charcters to choose from, and by far my favorite is a guy in a full suit of knight's armor which wouldn't be a bad idea for the WWF wrestler. I can imagine the Knight always getting in difficult situations with his helmet getting turned around the wrong way as he is beaten down by metal chairs and the crowd goes crazy hearing the clanks. Brilliant.

This game actually has a lot of good things going for it. You have a tag team partner who you can call upon when you're feeling down and you can also throw yourself against the ropes to do a flying attack that when timed and aimed right is unstoppable. Also the crowd throws crack cocaine frisbees into the ring which not only speeds up the wrestler who gets to it first. but also enables him to do some super moves such as throwing your opponent hundreds of feet into the air and then show off your guns to the crowd as they land on their head. The only down side is I can't figure out how to do any of the moves and I'm just randomly smashing buttons hoping for the best. I guess some other wacko with too much time on his hands will have to work on the instruction booklet, but time would probably be better spent programming that Werewolf Wrestling game.

Munching on Prunes because my BeeNaps are killing me!

2007-09-21T21:35:00.000-07:00

Have a case of the old Brectums. Dropped the H bomb and have had a high yogurt and bran intake, but these purpies keep on holding on. Maybe Brectums and Prurpies are obvious, but BeeNaps is my reference to Napolean B's loss at Waterloo, to make that connection. Anyway the word hemmoroids is just far too disturbing to use and that is why I am offering three new euphemisms for the rizzoids. Go ahead and have a vote and let me know if you ever end up using my lexical creations. I'm guessing Brectums is right out because of its obvious associations, but who knows, maybe the voters will see some charm in it.

#209 Yie Ar KUNG FU

2007-09-21T09:28:00.000-07:00

Yiearrrgh KUNG FU has excellent music and not bad background video game art. The main problem with this game is actually the sound effects which become increasingly annoying everytime you miss your opponent and are forced to hear the ping sound that is all too often associated with the mindless gameplay of Pong.

Your name is Lee and you fight warriors with your bare hands and feet while your opponents have the luxuries of sticks and fire to uneven the playing field. I was only able to defeat the first contender, one Mr. "Wang" armed with a stick, before I was repeatedly trounced by the great "Tao" fighter who besides being equipped with fireballs and lightning speed also is packing some serious King Hippo weight.

Chuseok Holiday!

2007-09-20T23:39:00.000-07:00

Hey hey, I've got a 6 day weekend! Thank the good lord for Chuseok "chewsock", the annual harvesting day which requires the government give three days off during the week, and luckily I got six. Ahsa!. Today I enjoyed the Korean version of "Field Day" which like our filed day has races, games, tug-of-war, and the school fiercely divided between the two school colors. But unlike our field day there are a lot more performances. Including some sort of mass games ripoff as well as smalled performances by the schools' dance clubs.

My school has two dance clubs. One is a ballroom dancing dance club which features 5 girls and three boys. One girl has to wear the boys costume. This club also features our only two black students, but I don't just mean the only two black students in the school which they are, but the only two black students in Korea which I suspect. They are a brother sister duo I'm assuming.

The other club is a break dancing group and they put on one hell of a choreographed performance. This group is all Korean males all decked out in hoodies. But I couldn't help to notice that the star of the break dancing troupe was also one of the only 3 boys in the ballroom dancing club. The crowd pleasing moment of today's festivities was when our dancing star starting spinning on the back of another dancer. The crowd went nuts and I was wondering if we had another David Elsewhere on our hands.

Free at Last!

2007-09-20T15:54:00.000-07:00

Hazzah! I've redone my settings so that everyone has the freedom to comment on my blog. The tricky bastards at blogger have it preset to blogger people only and most of us are too incompetent to change it, but I've hacked my way into the deeper structure of the code and found the improper HTML demons that have been toying with my comment space. Let freedom ring!

#210 Y-Project Mario Runner

2007-09-20T05:03:00.000-07:00

GBA 210 game Multicart

So, about a year ago I had some time to kill while I was waiting for a friend and I popped in my local video game store and was intrigued to see a multicart for sale that boasted 210 awesome games rolled ito one for a mere $40. That's less than 25 cents per game so how could I not buy it.

The week I bought it I tinkered around with it and was amazed to see how many crappy games they were able to put into one system, but I figured I would never actually have a chance to play them all. I've decided though instead to actually go ahead and play them all one at a time and give a mini review on a daily basis much like today's entry will be minus the lengthy intro into the project.

#210 = Y-Project Mario Runner

So, basically you got mario and the bricks and the elevators and some koopas and your trying to get through some maze. The screen shot you see there is just about as far as I've gotten so maybe that's all there is.

Mario does have some fancy new powers, most impressively melting bricks with the touch of death and crawling upside down under elevator I-beams. However, the one thing that makes Mario, Mario, his ability to jump is missing. The Japanese even dubbed Mario, Jumpman and it was the Americans who forever christened him the legendary Italian title.

But what good is a jumpman who can't jump and succumbs into falling in a crevice one Mario deep. That's right instead of jumping one "small mario" length upward and out of the crevice instead Mario simply looks to the left and looks to the right and apparently takes cyanide to end his misery.

Extremely productive against my best efforts

2007-09-19T01:19:00.000-07:00

Recently finished Fast Food Nation and though grandma contends it's propaganda, it is the best kind of propaganda - harshfullly truthful and seeking a change in the way business is done. It got me thinking though about the negative connotations of the word propaganda and how important it is to be media literate now a days and realize every message is designed not to supply you with correct information that will maximize your life, but rather to achieve that media's end...to sell you something. And frankly I'm buying, but not the burgers at McDonald's and Burger King which are both within walking distance of my apartment, but rather the idea that McDonald's can do better and should do better mainly by applying the necessary changes from the slaughterhouse and slowing down the line.

Today I had to teach for forty five minutes and yet sit at work for 7 hours. This means I now have lesson plans lasting till early October and I am currently up to date on all the news feeds from Yahoo and MSN messenger, I particularly enjoyed the beatdown of the Florida student and the tasering that followed at the Kerry speech.

My wikipedia find for the day was "Hijri" the Muslim calendar in which it is currently year 1428. However since it is a lunar based calendar there are only 355 days in the year. The implication is that although the Gregorian calendar is currently 600 years ahead now, eventually the Hijri calendar will catch up and surpass the Gregorian year number. This was not mentioned in Wikipedia and I am considering updating the entry to include not only that Hijri will surpass Gregorian, but the exact year it will catch up to Gregorian which I spent a good part of the day finding out, by taking into account the 11 days that Hijri gains every year.

Turns out that on the Gregorian calendar in December of 20,840, the Hijri calendar will enter its first month of 20,840!
And these two calendars will stay overlapped until the Gregorian calendar reads January 1, 20,906 because by then it will already be the year 20,907 in the Hijri calendar. So from the year 20,840-20,905 (65 years) the Gregoraian and Hijri calendars will look nearly identical, but what is even more amazing is that in the year 20,872 every day of the Hijri calendar will be contained in the Gregorian year 20,872! Mark that one on your calendar. This is a very significant year in my life because I'l be turning 18,835 that year which is good luck in my Irish-German heritage.

And none of this fascinating information is found on wikipedia, what would they do without me and my Joel Sherman entry or my Touka Neyestani entry or my Pauline Blandina entry. Each one a winner in their own right, but I have a special place in my heart for Sister Pauline because I'll never forget her drawing the outline of a penis on the board during sex class.

My hood

2007-09-18T01:31:00.000-07:00

Everyday as I walk through my neighborhood children who I vaguely know or don't know at all shout, "Mr. Kebin!" Which is all fine and dandy as I'm going to or coming from school, but even a late night run to the grocery store for a couple beers entails putting up with the barrages of "Kebin, Kebin, Kebin!" There are about 350 students at my school and if I'd have to guess I'd say I'm living dead smack in the center of these kids. No more pissing off the balcony.

The DJ Professor

2007-09-17T03:05:00.001-07:00

mark bell
Originally uploaded by eatjuk

That there's one Mark Bell who I worked with last year in the hagwon industry. He's moved on to bigger and brighter things though and is currently enjoying being a professor in Seoul and hosting his Monday/Wednesday radio English morning program at 8:00am. Apparently he has a 300 strong support group and can be watched live if you subscribe to the camlink option. And to think a year ago I listened in as he taught ten 7-year-old girls how to speak the Dolphin-Language for a straight 50 minute block. Shine on you crazy diamond.

Daniel's visit to Korea

2007-09-16T03:28:00.001-07:00

bar
Originally uploaded by eatjuk

Daniel became upset when he realized the Indian wouldn't fit in his suitcase so he just cut off its head and currently has it mounted to the front of his car.

Simple Pleasures on my Ninth Transcontinental Voyage

2007-09-15T19:43:00.000-07:00

On the 49 hour plane ride from Chicago to Seoul I watched "Next", played "Mario Kart DS", and read "Fast Food Nation", but Monica was the only person on the plane sporting the oldschool two dialed laptop, The Etch a Sketch. And though its been 20 years since I last dabbled on an Etch a Sketch screen I was surprised to find it hadn't lost its appeal, but rather my interest in it has appreciated in value and I'd recommend the Etch a Sketch for every transcontinental voyage you endure.

Freakish Surgical Accident

2007-09-14T16:31:00.000-07:00

My old roomie Ian once spent every weekend of the summer renting "The Three Amigos" from the $1 discount rack at the local Schnucks grocery store. The third time he came in to rent it he said he saw it on sale for $5. He wondered if he should buy it. After making the quick calculation that he would have to watch it four more times after that night to get his money's worth, he decided two things. That A: it would be a good deal because he most certainly would watch it at least that many times. (And as it turns out, he was right.) And that B: he would not buy it beause he enjoyed the experience of going out to rent the same thing every weekend. He felt it was liberating to make a decision every week that he knew he would be satisfied with. And $1 is a small price to pay to run an errand you actually enjoy.

The only reason he stopped doing it wasn't because he got bored of the movie or the experience of renting the movie, but because the manager started to take the fun out of it by keeping it under his desk especially for Ian. Ian would walk in and the manager would simply hand him the movie thereby robbing him of the experience of walking through the aisles and coming upon it. He got a thrill every time he saw it sitting there on the rack and he felt he was just on a great lucky streak. It wasn't just The Three Amigos Ian loved, but looking for the movie, renting the movie, and watching the movie.

Last night I rented Hot Fuzz from my local video store and it wasn't the first time or the last time I'll rent it this year.

Leaning toward apathy

2007-09-13T01:11:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered just how little work you could do and still be employed? I wonder this all the time with every new job I accept, but the thing about teaching is the less you prepare the more you suffer in the classroom. But the only reason I suffer is because I notice when the students are paying less and less attention, but what if I stopped noticing that and went on my merry way doing a poor job everyday. I feel like the experience I've acquired adds up to nothing and I'm just as hopeless now as I was a year ago. My coteacher dropped a bombshell on me and let me know I'll be teaching 12 more classes a week and instead of doing the appropriate thing and flip out and wander how I'm going to manage, I've decided just to see how far I can slide and I'm considering wearing earplugs to work so I don't have to hear the children. Yes, that's a great idea.

Devilishly Handsome

2007-09-12T03:52:00.000-07:00

Chowing down some donerkebabs

2007-09-12T03:47:00.000-07:00

Back on the ROK! High on mount Namsan right between Snake Mountain and Castle Grayskull. Doing the public school gig in the heart of Seoul. I've lived in cities with monuments before, but never before have I felt the monument looming over me in my sleep constantly reminding me that I am indeed one ocean away from my native land. It's good to be back in Korea and its good to be back to the land of employment. Sure, right now I want to be allowed to beat children with a stick, but in a couple of months either I will have taken control of the classroom or apathy will set in. I'm heading up to the roof of my apartment and I'm grabbing myself a a cold delicious Cass from the fridge. If you'd like to join me stop on by anytime. Just take the elevator to the top of Namsan and look for the goofy foreigner enjoying a beer in his boxers on the rooftops.